Butterflies, Boys and Me… Oh my!
When I was about 11 or 12 years old, my two best friends came to me and told me they couldn’t hang out with me anymore. They said I was boy crazy and they didn’t like that. At first, I was stunned and appalled that I had been banished from the clique. I couldn’t understand how they weren’t as intrigued by the male gender as I was. After second thought, I realized this allowed me more free time to hang with the fellas. So be it!!
There was Joseph, the tall cute yellow boy that I had a crush on since I was 9. We had Lee, the 16 year old dark chocolate bar with the pretty white teeth. Tee was the fly and trendy 19 year old that I had no business even thinking about but he was hot! And they were just the icing on my cupcake. Now don’t get it wrong, I wasn’t fast at all at 12, but boys gave me butterflies that my friends couldn’t. Didn’t my homegirls get the same feelings? Didn’t they like it too??
I remember putting those pink sponge rollers in my hair at night, picking out the cutest outfit I could find, wanting to look my best for the next day in hopes that I would see the boy I was crushing on.
The anticipation of a simple hello was agonizing. But once it was said and I got MY hug, all my efforts were validated and I knew we had something.
The anxiety didn’t end outside; home had its moments too. With caller ID being nonexistent, the ringing of the house phone would send my heart onto 5th gear and my body into USA Olympic gymnast mode thinking it could be that special call. After my dare devil stunts to get to the phone before anyone else, in fear of my parents saying anything to scare him off or embarrass me, I’d say hello in the sweetest voice I could and try to act like that’s how I always sounded.
As we got older and dating became more serious and our romantic relationships matured, I noticed that I still get butterflies over boys which I now refer to as men. A first kiss is still awkward and secretly awaited. Remember the few seconds before you realized it was about to happen? Panic set in.
You wondered if your breath smelled good, did you eat anything crazy, are lips dry, will you lean your head the right way, will he like how you kiss, all kinds of craziness. You know it’s coming but until it happens your stomach continues doing the bachata in stilettos. Nothing ever felt like those butterflies!
Who said that as adults you shouldn’t still get butterflies? Even though this is not your very first kiss ever, it’s the very first kiss ever with this person and that alone is special and should be exciting!! The first time he calls you…the first time you hold hands or you meet his friends and family…the first time you sit on the phone for 6 hours talking about everything and nothing while dozing off but refusing to hang up until he’s ready…the first time he calls you babe or something cute (especially the first time he does it in front of people!!)…the first time he asks you what are you doing tonight praying that it’s followed with “can I see you” or “can I take you out tonight.”
Those used to be monumental milestones in a relationship. Maybe the lack of celebration is why relationships don’t last anymore.
All of those moments are special moments and you should treat them like so. There’s nothing wrong with channeling the little girl in you that used to get giddy over boys!! That little girl gave you life!! She made you courageous! She had so much fun experiencing all those good first times. She appreciated every single one of those moments with you and when no one else was around she was the one that celebrated with you and practiced all those ridiculous conversations in the mirror with you (oh yes, I know!). She is what made you FEEL!!!
Being an adult doesn’t mean your childhood is dead. All it means is you have grown up and your thought process is more sensible. Your responsibilities have increased and you are expected to be a productive member of society. What it doesn’t mean is that you become old and stale or that you ditch all the things that made life exciting. Being boy crazy as an adult is even better then when you were a kid simply because what makes you like a guy has matured! Your selection process has improved. When you were a child you looked for cuteness, athleticism, popularity, how much other people wanted him, if you names added up to the right number and if the MASH game picked him as your future husband.
Now you just like bigger boys with their own places, good jobs, good incomes, health insurance, great family values, good credit, good parenting potential, working vehicles, morals, stability, all their teeth, clean bills of health!! Those weren’t even on your radar back then! Look how far you have come! Can’t you see how much more fun this can be??
You can still be boy crazy no matter what age you are. Just be boy crazy over that one special “boy” in your life. You will laugh more. You’re energy will increase. Your self esteem will boost. You will be motivated and inspired. But most importantly, you will feel sexy and desirable all over again.
Unleash your butterflies!!!
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