Making Marriage Work
Recently I had a discussion with a few female friends about love and marriage. One friend said she won’t get married for love because it never works. She of course is not married and has no one waiting in the wings. Another friend wants to be married but makes really bad selection choices and I doubt she’ll ever get married. My other friend has been married for at least five years and is still struggling on how to have a happy and successful marriage. Another friend told me she doesn’t want to fight fair with her mate and will not try. If and when she marries it will be short lived.
There are a few key concepts needed to maintain a successful marriage. On the surface they sound easy but they are actually difficult and if you or your partner aren’t willing to do these things, then don’t waste your money or time on getting married.
There must be communication and respect, trust, honesty, faith, similar family models and love. If you both didn’t have the same type of marriage model growing up, it’s going to be difficult to maintain a healthy marriage. You both didn’t see how to resolve differences in the same way. Problem.
Respect is all about how you speak with and to one another, during the good times and the bad. Once you start cursing at each other in the heat of battle, the respect becomes choppy.
I remember a comedian’s skit about how he would call his girl a bitch during good times so when he said it during an argument she was used to it. Get the fuck outta here! The moment I’m referred to as a bitch is when I either shit on the floor to show my disobedience or start ending the relationship.
Trust is all about being able to say anything to your mate and trust that your mate will not judge you or condemn you for speaking the truth. However, in speaking the truth you must also create an environment for truth. An environment which allows truth, no matter what it is and deal with that truth. A reaction can be had but condemnation cannot. Truth can be told and the person receiving that truth has to be allowed to have their feelings. Then you can both discuss the situation.
Shared faith is important. You both need to have a faith belief, because you have to be able to take those leaps of faith in life and believe in morals and values. However, having shared morals and values is important when living together, making decisions for your life together, and raising children.
Similar models of love are important because it shows us how we treat our mates in a relationship. Coming from a family that shows love, believes in love and argues fairly provides you with a similar perspective. When you or your mate does not have a model of love and fairness how will either of you know how to love correctly or fight fairly. If you’ve never had, how can it be provided.
All of these items are based on a strong fortitude of communication. The truth can piss you off, but it’s the truth. Communication breeds honesty and respect. If you communicate you can discuss expectations regarding faith and your love models.
I’m no expert, but I know of many successful marriages and these are all traits they have. So many times women feel these things are not important and those are usually the women that do not have lasting relationships. Those are the women who live with 50 cats.
Of course a healthy self-esteem makes all of this doable. Knowing what you deserve in a relationship and reciprocating it makes for a happy ending. No need to ask for one at the massage parlor. If you follow the above you can enjoy a happy ending every day if you like.