The chronicles: The Shit Off.
Ever been in the bathroom stall at work taking care of business because you can’t wait until you get home, yet low and behold you have entered into a shit-off… Yes a SHIT-OFF…
Some of you know exactly what I am talking about…it’s when you rush to the bathroom to ‘drop the kids off at the pool’ and someone is either already in the race a stall down from you or soon thereafter enters to join the race with you.
She or he comes in and it’s not a quick stream of urine but you hear them rustling with the protective paper… or you HOPE to hear that before they just sit on down…
So why a shit-off??
Cause no one with any common decency wants to push in between your pushes or hear the drops you make. And frankly its a pain to keep flushing to muffle the sound of shit releasing itself. Not everyone’s plops are silent and darnit if I don’t want to even hear mine, I certainly don’t want to hear yours.
So since neither of us can afford to NOT use the bathroom at the time…one if not both pushes relentlessly so she or he can leave in a jiffy.
The truly upsetting thing about this whole experience is when the other person finishes before you and you don’t hear the necessary sounds of liquid soap rubbing in between their hands or the stream of water to follow….all you heard were the footsteps towards the door and their exit…. WTF!!!!
Now you think to yourself. ..and this person works here… great…just fucking GREAT!