No I Don’t Want Your STD Backwash

No I Don’t Want Your STD Backwash

My friend recently told me she had an STD. I was a little surprised, but given the stats, it was going to be somebody. I mean my other friend had something treatable, and I was the only one thus far who’s had an abortion. These numbers look about right, right?

She was visiting me, and she wanted to try some of my drink. In my head I’m panicking trying to figure out how to not be offensive when I say “Hell nah. You’ve had your cooch or mouth on a dirty dick. You can keep that shit to yourself. Oh but I still love you!” I did manage to get out of it, but damn was that close. I know that was huge of her to tell me, and it had to be somewhat embarrassing too. I just still don’t think it’s fair of her to expect me to share a drink with her after that.


I’m sure everyone is cringing right along with me, but who am I to say anything. Sometimes I don’t use protection. Oddly enough, the time I got pregnant, I did use a condom. Guess someone left out a few details. Either way, it could have just as easily been me with an STD, treatable or otherwise. I even read a blog post about a the struggle of a woman who talked about having an STD while her boyfriend did not. At first I thought she was crazy to be mad, but this is a real problem. Any of us could be searching for a relationship while having to deal with this.

This just brings me to the topic of my (our) lady parts. We just can’t leave our situation in the hands of someone else. I considered taking Plan B after sleeping with that guy just because I didn’t know him that well and because I get nervous when I get some for the first time in ages. I asked him if he thought I should, just to give him an easy out/safety net. He said no. Then look what happened.

Similarly, I’ve been sleeping with this guy I feel very comfortable with for about a year now. It’s nothing serious, but we definitely have a mutual respect for each other. Since he’s the only person I’ve been sleeping with and definitely the only person I’ve slept with since the last time I got tested, part of me wanted to ask him if I needed to bother getting tested. Then I thought back to the last time I left the health of my body up to a man.

Hind sight is 20/20 right? I hear it’s only a mistake if you don’t learn from it. I think that applies to your friends if you’re smart. No need for the both of you to fuck up. That’s really what friends are for. Care for your cooch!


I’ve never, seen, heard of, or read this book, but the cover is perfect here.


Go watch Dallas Buyers Club

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