“I’m Not Worried about STDs With You.”

“I’m Not Worried about STDs With You.”

I took this guy’s virginity this weekend. It definitely wasn’t planned, but the next day he was so great about it. He texted me to see how I was doing and reassured me when I was worried about me drunkenly swiping his v-card. He also offered to come pick me up to buy Plan B.

Me “Didn’t you pull out.”

Him “I think so.”

At first I turned him down based on my bodily calendar, but I changed my mind later in the day. I’m team “support abort”, but no need to be careless. He ended up bringing it over, and refusing to split the cost with me. (And he’s still calling. Maybe I should sleep with more nice people.) In case he was nervous about the status of my vagina, I told him that I’d had an STD test done within the year, and I was completely clean.

Him “I’m not worried about STDs with you.”

Well that’s sweet. Now when do I tell him I’ve been fucking someone else and don’t really plan to quit? I’m very glad I give off such good vibes and that he’s not the type of person that harbors double standards for women’s and men’s sexuality, but really that doesn’t mean shit. I know my last post was about STDs too, but this was much more personal. I’ve been worried about sleeping with people for this very reason. I mean I can’t even enjoy some good head without worrying. How do I broach the topic of STD testing with someone, and how do I know their lyin ass ain’t lying right to my sweet, angel face?

Here’s a less personal example. My friend thinks he’s God’s gift to women, and that’s exactly how these trifling heifers treat him. Anyway, he has an STD, and his girlfriend at the time said she didn’t care. She said they didn’t need condoms because they love each other. Now she has herpes and no boyfriend. Yes a lot of shit happened in between, but really? What are the chances someone would be honest and considerate enough to want to use condoms? What are the chances that you’re so “in love” that you turn down the offer? She’s crazy. And she did it willingly.

I mean, I say this with a little hypocrisy, as I just openly admitted to not using a condom and assuming this guy would pull out. Dumb. I was on the pill, but I wasn’t getting any dick. And I was getting fat. Now that I’m off the pill, I could practically swing from dick to dick like Georgina of the Dick Jungle if I wanted to. In spite of all of these offers and the thrill of living my Sex and the City Samantha Jones dream, I’m worried about the fact that people think STDs won’t happen to them, that they are immune. I’m also concerned about the number of dudes ass fucking men and women without condoms just because you can’t get pregnant in your asshole. Body juices are body juices, and that shit can be poison. That creates an unsafe environment for all of us. You can’t trust anybody. I mean look how many married people get an STD from their spouse.

 

STDs won’t happen to me! I’m superhuman.

Then of course I have to worry about being that girl that has condoms. Why if I have anything else, I’d just be prepared? If I have gum when people ask, I’m not suddenly the dentist. If I have a spare tampon, I’m not a gynecologist. If I have a shirt for you to borrow, I’m not a fashion designer/seamstress. If I have a condom though, I must be fucking all over the place. Might I add, that stigma is not true for men. They’re just prepared.

So lets all wear condoms! They’re the most effective, and they actually protect against STDs. I even read that the biggest cause for failure rates in condoms is people not using them! ! After all, a good leader never sends a soldier to battle without a helmet.



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