Racist Shit My Classmates Say Pt 3
You guys are lucky. You’re getting a 2-4-1 special today! Last night, we were celebrating a classmate’s birthday. I overheard a few of my classmates talking. A guy was retelling a story with one of the girls in my class, and I heard him say, “This black guy was hitting on her, and she got all mad because I left her.” Unfortunately I tuned out the rest of the conversation. Writing this series has given me an outlet for these situations, so I’m actually less tempted to fuel my anger by listening.
Anyway, I wondered, are you mad because your friend ditched you when a creep was hitting on you? Haven’t we all been there? I have. The person walking away always thinks it’s hilarious. She and I are both pretty petite people, so I tend to just assume that a threat is always imminent, even if it’s just a large child. The freaks may come out at night, but the creeps never go away.
I mean we all know that you absolutely HAVE to indicate when the person in our story isn’t white. The story just will not make sense to anyone if we don’t point out the most important part of the story…the non-white person’s race. Of course she could have also been mad that a black guy had the audacity to hit on her. Well to be fair, I never heard her say the black guy hit on her. It was the dude. Maybe he’s mad that the black guy had the audacity to hit on her. Did I mention that he’s a little bit infatuated with her?
Oh silly me. I left out the most important part of the story. How will this make any sense without me telling you that both of them are white? Well she’s white. He’s what I like to call a “convenient minority,” a person that is white, goes through life as white, talks about all other minorities as a separate entity, and essentially has no connection to or understanding of the pre-immigration life, culture or struggle, until it is convenient to admit to being mixed with something else. Usually this convenience is when telling an inappropriate joke or justifying some errant stereotypical behavior.
Based on these knowing these people, I don’t think either was mad that a black man had the gall to hit on her, but some of the general things I overhear people saying could lead people to think that way. For example, one night when we were all out, I overheard a different classmate say, “If I were into black guys, I’d like Will Smith.” I’m sorry. I didn’t realize that something in the >1% difference between your genetic makeup and the other millions of vision-having people prevents you from recognizing that Will Smith is an impossibly sexy individual. You poor dear. Do you get a handicapped sticker for that?
I’ve never understood people saying things like, “I’m only attracted to ______________ men/women.” I mean fine. People have preferences, but how can you decide that an entire group of people just isn’t attractive. Have you met them all? I can actually say I can’t think of a single race in which I haven’t seen an attractive person. I like to save my dislike for more personal and individualized reasons. Everyone gets their own special brand of hatred from me. No generics here.
I just loved when people would tell my ex boyfriend that I was hot for a black girl, or his hot black girlfriend. What does that even mean? Is that last one differentiating me from his other current less pigmented girlfriends or his other ugly melanin-enhanced girlfriends? Or is it just that my complexion should have made me so incredibly grotesque, but by some miracle, looking at me is actually tolerable?
Anyway, that’s what happened. I’m not pushing my pro-interracial relationship agenda on anyone today. I just want to make sure we all understood today’s take home message. Make sure you remember to always, always, always start off your story with what race people are, especially if it doesn’t make any difference to the story.