The “OPEN” Debate: Living Free?
Today, I came across the trending topics section on Facebook and saw that Jada Pinkett-Smith did an interview with Howard Stern about that ever so sensitive topic of her “open” marriage to Will Smith. I use quotes because I think the term “open” needs further explanation, and so ill try and do my best to explain (in my own terms) it here as I write this post.
Now for some time, people have commented and shared their two cents about Will and Jada’s “open” marriage. Even years ago I thought the whole idea was crazy and maybe they were just dealing with issues in their marriage. Of course, me not being directly in the middle of their relationship, who was I to have an opinion? I have heard countless women PROTEST up and down that it was stupid, or say things like, “Yeah right, who does that”?!
When we (women) get into relationships, we always come in with these preconceived notions about what a relationship is supposed to be like. But where do these notions come from? Is it our families, society, our past experiences? My boyfriend and I discuss this quite a bit because I think as I go along in this relationship, my IDEALS about what I thought a relationship was supposed to be like have changed dramatically. He is VERY open-minded and talkative, and says exactly what is on his mind. Me, not so much, which would make us polar opposites in most views. BUT, in actuality, it has enabled me to think about things differently and not just take things are face value. Or even it has allowed me to be more confident in voicing my thoughts and feelings openly and not be so silent.
I have always been the type of woman to say and know exactly what I wanted (in my head), well that is until I got with a man who asked me what I wanted and I couldn’t tell him. I think as women (some of us anyway), we THINK we know what we want, and how we will be in relationships, until we actually get in one and then we have no clue.
That is when things catch you completely off guard, and you are forced to face those harsh realities, that those ideals that we think about on an almost daily basis, don’t really matter, because in the real world, NO ONE can live up to those ideals.
Now coming back to Will and Jada, how does this relate? While listening to her interview with Howard Stern, she pointed out something that no one ever talks about. The fact that we as individuals have a right to feel comfortable and free in relationships. Too often, people feel stuck or feel like they cant be open or confide in their mate. Or people get into relationships for the sake of being in one. This is when problems can arise. This is sometimes when people tend to stray. Now having an “open” relationship does NOT necessarily mean that your mate will seek out other men or women to sleep with. It just means that the couple has the freedom to express said interests if it comes up and choose or not choose to act on it. No, I am not saying that I ever want my man to cheat BUT I would want him to express his feelings and thoughts, if those feeling ever arose. Then it would allow me to make the choice to accept them or not.
To think that he will never think another woman is attractive or to feel lust for another, is not realistic. I am doing myself a disservice to think that we are not just animals reacting naturally to stimuli. Will and Jada have seemed to be able to communicate their feelings for each other, and others around them. There is nothing wrong with him saying to another woman that she is beautiful or to appreciate her beauty. It does not mean that he loves her any less or sees her as any less beautiful. If I can’t allow my mate to be or feel happy or I cant express my own happiness or dissatisfaction, then why am I with him, or for that matter why is he with me. It is all about openness and communication. We both choose the type of relationship that we want to have together. I guess all I am saying is don’t judge one’s relationship until you have been able to completely consumed in happiness in your own life and relationship. There are a lot of bitter individuals who would love to share their two cents on your situation, but have no clue on how to fix theirs. #justsayin. Don’t worry about me because I am working on my happy!
Feel free to form any opinion you wish! These are just my personal thoughts. But it is OK to think differently and open your mind to something new in exchange a more confident and open minded you. As En Vogue sang, “Free your mind and the rest will follow”.
You can check out the article about Will and Jada and short clip here! You can also check out the whole interview with Howard Stern on Sound Cloud below! Thanks for listening. Be sure to comment, like and share.